Negative inner self-talk; that’s right! It happens. We all do it from time to time that self-talk that makes us feel flat, upset, unhappy, hesitant, some more than others, some, all the time! What is it? Have you ever caught yourself saying;
“I can’t do this”
“I am not worthy”
“I don’t deserve this”
“I am not strong”
“I am weak”
“I am…” [fill in the blank with a negative]
Your are affirming this to yourself.
It happens right, or it has happened? Or maybe you’re not even aware of it! How did this make you feel? I recall many times growing up I would say these things or more to myself, the feeling of dread, the lack of self-esteem, the lack of confidence. Some of it was due to external factors out of my control, some, just being told things in the community or at school, it all had an impact, it all affected the self-talk dialogue. Ultimately, I was the loser here but looking back, maybe also others around me. They didn’t get the best of me; they didn’t get the opportunity to see what I was capable of at that time, the reason being, the negative inner self-talk.
Over the years, through self-development and self-awareness, I’ve got a lot better at this and now when these thoughts cross my mind, I flip the thought into a positive, this however happens far less than growing up, but it’s still a work in practice and always will be. Cristiano Ronaldo doesn’t stop practicing just because he won a trophy or the best player award, he carried on, to stay at the top of his game. Why would we stop working on ourselves?
There’s more to it
Some manifestation or law of attraction followers will tell you say this, say that, like
“I am great”
“I am confident”
“I am loved”
“I am strong”
All positive affirmations
Now, these are all great, don’t get me wrong, it’s a great start, but where is the substance, there is no real foundation. The hard work, the follow through, the daily struggle’s you may go through – life doesn’t stop right? It will continue and keep hitting you with curveballs along the way. I started saying these things back in 2013 and it worked – for like a few hours at the start of the day, it made me feel great. But, then, life through a curveball. What REALLY helped me was the follow up to these statements with action statements or factual statements, allowing me to dig deeper into my inner process and be accountable to myself but also to have substance behind the statement. For example, “I am loved, [follow up] I have family and friends who love me for who I am and support me during the good and the bad” OR, “I am strong, [follow up] I got through a tough childhood and still I am making a good life for myself and those around me”
Take your next step
You get the direction I’m going right; these follow up steps can be anything, but back up your statement. Just asking yourself WHY or HOW can help you with the follow up steps. Why / how are you loved? How / why are you confident? Why / how are you resilient?. Feeling the emotion of the statement helped me too and most of the time, I smiled without even wanting to smile, it brought some realism to the moment.
There as so many reason and factors for the negative self-talk ranging from your environment, external factors, your core beliefs, your values – many things. Spending time on this and working on yourself will no doubt change your life and help you materialize why you’re doing it and if anything, make you a little more self-aware and more importantly, change your words during the dialogue with yourself. Here is a great article – https://www.tonyrobbins.com/limiting-beliefs-guide/stop-negative-self-talk/
I’m not expert in this and by no way always win when it comes to self-talk, but taking those small steps daily, helps me. It allows me to be more self-aware of what I do say to myself because ultimately, how we communicate with ourself matters more than how we communicate with others.
Struggling to overcome the negative self talk or just get to the bottom of your core beliefs, well, let me help you Work with me
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