Have you ever decided to do something because you want to achieve a goal, so you plan out how you will achieve it and get super excited do to it, even the planning element of how you will do it is meticulous. The excitement hits you; you may even share it with friends and family, you decide a time frame of when you will achieve it by and GO, you start.
The issue comes though when you then face negative feedback:
Getting told to “relax” by people
You get told you’re “too strict”
“You’re just so boring”
The environment you’re in does not support you
You’ve not been specific with your planning. You simply don’t know why you’re doing it.
I hear you
I’ve been here…way too many times, and guess what, it’s ok, it’s normal to face these challenges, push back from your environment and people around you. You can change the environment but you cannot change the people, unless you remove them from your life (No, I do not mean kill them, you wally).
The people don’t mean harm and are not malicious (that’s my experience) but they are not coming from your place, they do not see your goals and your internal fly wheel of emotions, feelings and past, that’s spinning around, they are coming from their own head space, their own life, their own experiences are speaking, their own fears are being spoken and their own life situation is being put onto you.
I would on many occasions go on a nutrition plan back in 2013 and did so for a few years after this for 6-8 weeks at a time. It would include a strict diet and calorie count. It was drastic but that was what I wanted at that time. I wasn’t by any means fat, or over-weight but to ME, I wanted change but couldn’t care less that others couldn’t see it and I would only eat what I had planned.
This way of thinking however didn’t come easy and was not instant. I would only eat the calories I had planned. The plan would include cheat meals / days although I reframed them and called them Win meals. What this meant was that if I went to a party or someone’s house, my default answer would be no when it came to food offered, unless it was that day of a win.
Now however, I’m different. I don’t do the above to plan – it is not just a way of life and my identity. I made it who I am! People still see me things like “are you still dieting”, “are you allowed to eat this” and other things relating to a plan. It’s simple, it is who I am. If I want to indulge in a cake, or chocolate or whatever may be perceived as ‘bad’, I will, when I want to, not because it’s offered or there! I set myself mini periods now where I will remain 90% “healthy” and 10% not so, but in my time; Majority of the time, I remain with an 80-20 split. It’s my decision and my identity.
In reality, most probably do see it but understanding others is what people unfortunately fail to do OR even respect others’ decision in their endeavors. I knew and know why I was doing something and knew what I wanted out of it and I was specific in what I needed to do and also understand that I may get negative feedback from others; that’s not my problem though. If you feel you get pressured by others, stay strong, remain committed to your goal and understand it’s up to you what you do
You’re not alone
A client of mine was in the same situation. She decided to make change and drastic change. She’s 26, single, no children, and works 40+ hours a week; has no major commitments other than rent to pay, a car fully paid for and ultimately living her life, on her terms, so she thought!
Her goal was to get her dream promotion, so she decided to take on an online course which involved approximately 15-20 hours per week, in her own time due to a full-time job She wanted to upskill and learn something which would inevitably make her more employable for the role she wanted. She also decided that she wanted to lose weight.
A few months into her course and weight plan, she gave up. When she came to me, she brushed both off as it was just too hard, she couldn’t be arsed with the negativity received and the more we discussed things, she came to the conclusion that she got no support from anybody. She actually gained more weight from the initial decision she made of wanting to lose weight, she was still doing her online course but was very close to quitting the course, due to the lack of support. Put it simply, she was not clear and specific enough in what she wanted.
How did we change this? We began the TYNS R.I.C.H framework into her way of thinking and goal setting, along with other goal setting frameworks like SMART. To keep things simple, R.I.C.H is
R – Result desired
I – Inspiration to do this (Your why!)
C – Challenges you may face along the journey
H – How will you achieve this?
There are many questions within each sub heading, such as, plus more:
- What result do you want?
- What inspires you to do this?
- Why do you want to do this?
- What challenges will you face along the journey?
- How are you going to achieve this?
- How will you be accountable?
- How will you prepare for the challenges you may face?
- How will you celebrate?
After spending time going through these during our sessions and her taking these away and becoming crystal clear, she finally felt strong enough to commence the journey again. She no longer felt guilty for saying “NO” to her mum or others when being offered a cake or chocolate; she no longer felt guilty spending additional hours a day on her online course and for her future; she no longer felt the need to justify her work ethic to others if they didn’t understand, even though they knew what she was doing; she no longer felt burnt out and planned her work much better, along with her gym routine and food prep, she was well on her way.
There were so many benefits, I simply could not list them here as my laptop battery is soon to die and I need to add a few more paragraphs 😊. In short, she was specific in her goal setting – she even changed her weight goal from “I want to lose weight” to “I want to lose 5kg, in 3 months because…”. We discussed her progress on each call and set up weekly catch ups so she could vent her frustrations along the way but also celebrate the week. The frustrations stopped after the first month – she no longer felt frustrated with others! In fact, she felt sorry for them.
Are you or somebody you know, stuck in the never-ending cycle of wanting to please others and will do things to make others happy? Fuck that old fashioned thinking – your health and wellbeing comes first. It does not make you selfish, others may point that out to you and say you are – in fact, it’s the opposite. But don’t let that dampen your motivation but also remember, it’s during those conversations and comments where motivation is lost.
If you know your RICH framework though, you will remain committed and disciplined – it will become your identity, you will not rely on motivation. Do you want a free copy of the framework, reply to this email
Now, do you know somebody who would benefit from an accountability coach? Let them know about me, and let’s see if we can change their life around and achieve their goal or goals. As a thank you for that referral / recommendation, I will discount their package by 15% AND you get a £25 gift voucher for a shop of your choice as a thank you