It’s highly likely that I lost track of time since the last blog Goal – I’ve moved to a new place following my travels and short stint with my aunty; nearly died in a car accident (only God knows how I’m still here), started a new role in an organisation that has the same values as me and now undertaking a path which I’ve desired since I was 5 years old. Better late than never, right? How many people actually do what they dreamt of doing when they were young? Probably not many.
Could’ve been it
The day was going well, it was 8th September 2022, I was on my way to Nottingham from Watford, having collected a few belongings from my storage place. All was good, had lunch with my mate Lauren and a new start was looming, but little did I know, it could’ve been the end of the line for me and possibly others.
Without going into too much detail (still hits me now), I was driving northbound on the M1 (Motorway / highway in the UK) and about 90 minutes away from my new place, I was moving to. There was a malfunction and BOOM!! I had collided into a total of 2 cars and 1 lorry – yes, a lorry. I knew before impact that I was going to crash so in a split second, I made the decision to head towards the lorry which was ahead of me in the middle lane, 11 o clock from me (if you vision a clock and look at the direction of the time). This was simply to avoid a direct impact to the car in front which no doubt would have caused severe, if not life threating or changing injury, possibly even death to the passengers in that car.
After scrapping the car in front, the lorry had me in the back of it, as well as another car that was beside the lorry. It was simply surreal. I was in shock but fully aware of what had happened. When the car came to a halt, I looked at myself in the mirror to look for any blood, no blood. I then looked at my arms and felt my neck for any cuts, bloods etc., nothing, glass was everywhere though I it was natural to think it had got me.
I couldn’t believe it. Instantly, I jumped out of my car and rushed to the vehicle behind me and the other one beside that, they were already out and had no injuries and were fine. Again, I couldn’t believe it. What the f**k had just happened. It was real. It was no dream. I knew I was being looked after and looked down upon from someone up above; maybe my mum, maybe my brother, maybe some random person, but I was saved, and others also were saved from injury. As shocked as I was, I was happy. I was happy to be alive and go again.
It gave me a bigger purpose, a purpose to continue my dream and not to give in. To enjoy life and to continue sharing my experiences with others around me and people I do not know. The car was written off. What do you reckon? Shocking – could’ve been fixed 😉
The feeling
I LOVED that car. Since passing my test almost 18 years ago, this was the newest car I had and unquestionably, the nicest car I had, and it was gone. I only had it a year and out of that year, it was parked up for 3 months whilst I enjoyed Thailand. I still think about and have feelings that I’m still in it. The drives. The music. The podcasts. It’s weird really because I’m not a materialistic person but it’s the emotion that I experienced with the car that I miss the most.
That feeling of warmth, comfort, solace, freedom – do you get it? It’s gone now though and another chance at life and to thrive at it and thrive in my new chapter. No doubt there will be many chapters along with ups and downs but that’s cool, I’m good with that. Getting hit is not an issue but from time to time, staying down seems like the easier option and it takes balls and strength to get back up.
If you’re continuously getting up, hats off to you and well done. It’s not easy and you must give yourself credit for this. Many fail to reflect upon their hardship and falls, to understand the why or how. I think it’s important to do this, to help you understand what has happened but also, how well you did to move past this and what’s next.
Reflection
Reflecting on negatives always seems to be the norm but reflecting on good things, seems to get brushed off. In fact, if we reflect on the positives, we may just become that little bit better and continue the good things. Imagine doing good things even better than you already did. Just WOW is the likely result.
I was genuinely worried how i would react days or even weeks down the line. Would I deal with it? Would it affect me and impact my decision making, my mood, my driving etc. Luckily, I feel I have dealt with it well. I do think about the crash from time to time but allow that process to go on as well as the above feelings.
What’s next?
Thankfully, I’ve settled into my new surroundings, made new friends / colleagues and instilled new routines. What’s helped me settle better is having that inner strength and discipline which has served me so well in the last 10-15 years. However, I can’t help but think, should I take it easy a little and just let certain things be and not try to control everything.
Surrender
That’s my new challenge, to sometimes release control and just go with it. It’s working well and I’m again, coming out of my comfort zone. Ultimately, I cannot control everything that happens in my life and I’m preparing for those moments which happen that I cannot control. The reason for this new change in me is to feel ok when things don’t go my way. It’s completely not possible to go through life trying to control every outcome.
It’s a small but significant shift in mindset but with huge consequences for the better. Let’s see how that goes…maybe I’ll share more in the next blog. For now, stay safe, keep smiling, get uncomfortable from time to time and keep on going.