Another suicide prevention day is upon us and we should firstly take a moment to remember those that have taken their own life, having felt there is no other way out.
Secondly, the victims that are still with us but have to live their life with the hurt of losing their loved one through suicide; the family!
The ones that do take their life, my heart goes out to them. They reach a point in life where they deeply feel they have no other option. Is this correct? Commenting on this is very difficult. It’s easy for people to throw about comments such as, “they are selfish” or “how could they do this?” Sure, maybe 2% of me can agree with these comments. I mean, they are not malicious comments, purely people not fully aware of the situation or people who cannot fathom how individuals can take their own life. Is this the fault of those questioning and throwing about such comments? Is it pure ignorance? I’ll let you decide.
I once reached a stage in life in 2014 thinking there is no way out. Although the thought was a loud voice in my head, it wasn’t screaming at me. I had lost my brother through self-inflicted death in 2013. I wasn’t immediately affected after the death; it took me nearly 6 months to feel the pain, out in the open. Now, someone looking from outside in, may well have thought “why is he doing this?” or “he is stupid and throwing it all away?”. When you’re sat with your family, or happy home or have everything going for you and mentally strong, you WILL not even TOUCH the surface of how someone in that state will feel. You will not understand even if you wanted to. If you have seen this in your own life, through others, then you may just understand. The person going through the pain, well, they are not throwing anything away, in their eyes, they don’t have anything to throw away; they have nothing to live for. So, if you lack any understanding, please feel free to not saying anything OR, offer your help. DON’T BE JUDGMENTAL, PLEASE!
Back to where I was in 2014. I obviously didn’t do anything, you’re reading this! As I said earlier, I had a loud voice, but not a screaming voice. I also had a level of understanding when it comes to depression. I had witnessed depression around me almost 100% of my life. I knew the consequences. I also from a young age, wanted to be different. I didn’t want to be like others. I didn’t want my children to witness me lose self-control. I didn’t want them to even witness or feel 1% of what I did. One more reason, I had my mum. All of this was not instantaneous, I didn’t think any of this straight away. It took me 1 month or two to realise I have a reason. Some would say I knew it from the start or I wouldn’t have even got to 2 months. You know what…that’s correct! If you’re reading this; you still have a reason. There IS something there stopping you from doing something. There is help out there.
The lasting victims after a suicide. They suffer the consequences. People use “family” as an excuse to throw those comments about someone being selfish; lets put that aside, they are not selfish. But that doesn’t mean the family are left to move on happily; the family suffer – sometimes, a member of the family can themselves be in suicidal thoughts, as you read above in my case.
The emotional explosion that occurs is unbearable. My mum, although ill prior to my brother’s death, had faith and will-power of a warrior. She was exceptionally strong. She didn’t let anything get the better of her. My brother’s death however the catalyst to her death. She lost her reason and lost her why. Although she loved everyone, due to my brothers’ troubles in life, she had put a lot of time into him. Once he was gone however, she lost hope. Her illness then started to get the better of her. This didn’t mean she stopped fighting, far from it, what it meant was she was that little bit weaker. I don’t blame my brother for this but I know if he was still alive, she wouldn’t have died in 2016. But hey, that’s just a consequence of suicide.
The long-term effects are unimaginable. 1 suicide can cause numerous struggles within a family, sometimes even break a family up. Me personally, 6 years on from my brother’s death, still have nightmares every September, for the past 5 years. He died in October 2013 but spent 10 weeks in hospital prior to this; we were waiting for him to die. The emotions every year are surreal, sometimes overwhelming. Although this year is the strongest I’ve felt, it doesn’t stop the nightmares but the day to day emotions are a lot better. 5 years may not seem like a long time to you, but it’s the effects of a suicide within a family. It’s can be immediate or it can subside after a while, but life will always have the scar. The scar for me was my catalyst for growth
If you’re reading from the UK and have suicidal thoughts, please read the detail in this link and then call 116 123.
If you’re not in the UK and want to reach out, you can get me on Instagram – rishi_tyns or comment on this post