Yesterday, July 1st 2022, I posted on my Instagram (https://www.instagram.com/p/CfdlsEpMTM0/?utm_source=ig_web_copy_link) controllable situations. outcomes (below picture / text) and obstacles. How obstacles can at times be totally un-controllable but also navigating through these. Many times, having control over outcomes is far fetched and we can at times allow it to control our emotions and at times, our actions. We either stop and give up or keep taking our text step and find a way through, past, over or under the obstacles to achieve an outcome. Remember, there is always an outcome, sometimes just not the one we wanted.
I was in a phase…” I’ve been here before, I got this!” That’s what I kept saying to myself along with, this will pass! Days went by followed by weeks. What on earth was going on! I couldn’t snap out of it. I hadn’t changed my routine, I was still going to the gym, still eating well…but, I didn’t want to see anyone else. I didn’t want to talk to people. I knew I had to do something to deal with this. I felt I was spiraling out of control, this had to stop.
Couple of days prior, i had a thought which i started to explore. The thought…pack it all in and leave the country for 2, maybe 3 months! I delved straight into this thought and stayed there for about 3 hours. It just felt right. I started doing a little more research on Tuesday…when i say research, i mean a few internet searches. Surely that’s classed as research right and doing my homework?
I woke up that day and went into my brother, Nikky’s, makeshift hospital room at home. He was at home following 9 and a half weeks in hospital, waiting to die. We knew his time was going to be up and made the decision that his final moments will be spent at home. He wasn’t speaking at this point. The toxins had entered his brain, limiting it’s function.
2011 a journey had begun. Ever since watching the Hollywood classic The Bodyguard, when I was 11, I wanted to be Frank Farmer. You film geeks will know who I mean. The guy was a legend. Throwing knifes about like it was easy. Jumping into the call of duty without any care for his wellbeing.…