For a while I was mistaking pleasure for happiness. The job. The salary. The women. The car. The Status is commanded. The instant gratification that I’d receive from all of these but never really getting that deep feeling of happiness. Always looking for the next quick fix of pleasure. Fortunately, this didn’t take over my life, I still had some form of awareness that this is not really deep happiness.
Couple of days prior, i had a thought which i started to explore. The thought…pack it all in and leave the country for 2, maybe 3 months! I delved straight into this thought and stayed there for about 3 hours. It just felt right. I started doing a little more research on Tuesday…when i say research, i mean a few internet searches. Surely that’s classed as research right and doing my homework?
I woke up that day and went into my brother, Nikky’s, makeshift hospital room at home. He was at home following 9 and a half weeks in hospital, waiting to die. We knew his time was going to be up and made the decision that his final moments will be spent at home. He wasn’t speaking at this point. The toxins had entered his brain, limiting it’s function.
Fuck Sake!! It’s been almost 2 years since my last blog on here. I’ve contemplated many times to write some gibberish, or to share a walk i did, or to share some tough times – truth is, i couldn’t bring myself to share anything. My social media presence has also decreased massively (truth on that…