Fuck Sake!! It’s been almost 2 years since my last blog on here. I’ve contemplated many times to write some gibberish, or to share a walk i did, or to share some tough times – truth is, i couldn’t bring myself to share anything. My social media presence has also decreased massively (truth on that however is Instagram is full of cunts with people measuring who’s been through a tougher time and after that gold medal for resilience)
If you were a regular reader previously, you’ll probably remember some of the writing has no direction and waffle was usually my mode of strategy and now I’m thinking what should i even write on here. Well, the cycle has been broken and ice has been broken, i just had to follow my old aged saying of Take your next step. I had to take mine.
The last 2 years, I’ve taken many steps, some forwards, and many more backwards. Is this the reason for my non existence on this platform…possibly. Reality is, that’s just part and parcel of life, unless your dead, then you’re fucked – and uncertainty is inevitable. I guess I’ve been trying to find some certainty and look for some form of comfort after some shitty times. Losing the old faith that i built, forgetting daily mindfulness that I’d practice over the years and more importantly, looking for things externally. i was fucking winning before all of this – i was almost 7 years into my “new self” – how could i fuck this up? I could say i didn’t fuck up, and be kind to myself, make some shitty excuse of why things went wrong, blame the environment, the worlds affairs, whatever excuse comes to mind! However, I’m responsible for my own actions, either undertaken or not, i fucked up and that’s the main thing, acceptance of this fact and the awareness to move the fuck on and sort shit out. I STOPPED WORKING ON MYSELF! Don’t make the same mistake.
Don’t get it twisted though and think i fell off the rails – far from it! This, only because i had some solid habits instilled from over the years, like my food habits, training habits, sleep etc. The bar was raised high though so although some would’ve thought i was all good, to me, i was slacking and needed to sort myself out and build upon the foundations i built over the years.
No need to go into the detail, maybe that’ll be in another blog, if i blog but main point is, be real to yourself – if you’ve fucked up, admit it. If you’re slacking, own that shit and don’t be a dick, sort it out – take responsibility for your actions and decisions, or lack of!
Ciao for now