Sometimes I don’t really know where I’m going. I just take my next step. It’s a matter of taking that leap of faith. When I say where I’m going, I mean the actual journey; not certain of the terrain, the challenges or sometimes even how to do it! It’s a matter of knowing that I will be ok. It seems pretty simple writing it out. It’s not something that’s obvious to me though. It’s engrained within me after years and years of challenge, trauma and pain. It’s internal strength and personal power knowing that regardless how shit things get, I will somehow get through it.
Now, I’m not saying it’s an easy thing to just take a step and head into a direction. How do you learn though? How do sports men and women get better? How to soldiers get better? They train. They get the basics right. They repeat their craft. Managers make decisions and some are absolutely shocking but they learn. How many shots did Michael Jordon miss? My life has been no different and I for one know I am far from perfect but staying still is no option. A part of me never feels fulfilled though and maybe at times that can be a negative but most of the time it’s a positive and goes to my favour…that is a trade off I’m happy to take.
The directions taken in my life have resulted in the best lessons in life. Now, some of the paths have been painful, I wouldn’t sit here and tell you I’ve had a perfect life or that I’ve never done wrong. The wrong has always started off with good intentions and I have and will always hold my hands up when I’ve done wrong and when I do wrong because no doubt, it will happen.
I cannot tell you when the first painful journey was but if I had stopped then thinking I don’t want to get hurt again what would I have learnt? Would I have grown? Resilience has inevitably come through hardship and continues to do so. I think it’s gearing me up for future success and future hardships – both I believe work hand in hand in life. Most however only expect success and forget that hardship may come about so when it does, they freeze, they do not know how to deal with it.
I’m preparing myself to be the best family man. The best father. The best husband. One that will make mistakes but one that will stand tall and lead from the front. That will provide and teach the life’s lessons of hardship and prepare my children for the inevitable lessons that life will bring. Top stand by my partner when days are shit. To share my deepest and darkest fears in life with her. All of this however can wait whilst I continue enjoying me and embracing each day as a gift.
And the purpose of this blog, f*** knows. If you’re a regular, you know I sometimes waffle within the blogs and can get lost. I’m not re-reading this to confirm but hope you enjoyed it
For now, adios!