I recall after my brother died in 2013, I tried to push on through life, even the next day, I was in the gym at 6am looking to smash chest and back. Wanting a distraction and my space but also, some normality. There was nothing wrong with that – I just wanted ‘to be’. Fast forward a few months and I continued to ‘just be’. But I was pushing on hard, trying to avoid the fact he was dead and the traumatic 10 weeks it had been, waiting for him to die. My work was going well, my life was coming back together, all whilst in the background, my mum was crumbling and my mind was avoiding everything that gave even a little bit of pain. Roll on 2014, I was still just in the mindset of ‘just be’.
It hit me hard when I was unable to ‘just be’. An internal force had taken over and I no longer felt in control. It was a shock – like the titanic hitting that iceberg. I was sinking, and slowly, there was no door like Rose did in titanic (ha-ha), although I do think Jack could have fitted on that door with Rose, have a look https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mct-F_bp1Qw. Anyway, I couldn’t just be anymore and I had to face what had happened. The hurt, the pain, the conversations with him, everything was hurting as well as my mum’s illness, it got too much for me. I had to get out of the water, I couldn’t drown, my purpose was not served and I couldn’t let my mum down!
So, how did I survive? I still allowed myself to ‘just be’, but with a sprinkle of daily discipline and small habits. Literally, that was it. Previous to this, I had stopped my gym routine, my eating habits become poor decisions of 5+ chocolates a day, my sleep was bad, I started drinking, I closed myself off from friends, it was not pleasant. I decided enough was enough BUT I still had to be so decided to have one good healthy meal a day, my breakfast, I wanted to start off with a win. I also decided to hit the gym again, with a minimum of 3 visits per week. These 2 were my only MUSTS at that point of decision.
Why did I only choose 2?
Well, I knew I wasn’t, at that time, in the right state of mind to have a full change of state and being, I didn’t have the confidence, self-esteem, whatever you call it, I knew I couldn’t do it. I thought let me start small, let me take my next step. It was the best thing I could have done. I’ve seen it so many times, and still see it now, where people, from a similar position or not half as bad, give themselves huge targets to achieve, want to make big life changes, all in one sweep; what happens then, they fail and give up. They fall and they stay down, and even worse, blame external factors for their failings, never taking responsibility.
Every decision has a consequence, EVERY! Small wins create momentum and with momentum comes confidence and confidence to then take your next step, maybe for example increase the gym sessions to 4, increase the good breakfast to another good meal, you see where I’m going with this. That’s what I did.
This wasn’t just a decision though I thought about and said that’s it, it meant me looking deep within and seeing the consequences of what would happen if I didn’t make a change versus if I did. What would happen to me; the people close to me. I had to presuppose these consequences out loud. It was a MUST to change. I TOOK RESPONSIBILITY.
These minor changes meant I was winning on a daily basis. Believe it or not, in my third week, I was training 5 times and eating good meals, all day, why, because I felt confident again and was seeing the benefits. What if I had trained 5 times in my first week and pushed myself and forced it? Ok, it may have worked but was in the right state of mind to make that decision and make it sustainable, no. Was my Chimp brain ready to allow me to train 5 times, no! I had to compromise with myself and with that, came the results.
WIN IN LIFE
The point here is, sometimes, you have to allow yourself to ‘just be’, to go through challenges and difficulty and feel it.
If you know you’re not in a state to push on, then don’t. Don’t get me wrong, there will be moments in life where you must change your immediate state to get out of difficult situations which may have severe consequences to you or others, but we are not talking about that now.
YES, there comes a time when you have to act and change and since my situation in 2014, I act BEFORE I HAVE to act or forces to act; what I’m saying is allow yourself to just be but find some strength to make that 1 one small change and take your next step towards it.
If you want to know more, hit the link TYNS coaching package and reach out to join the coaching program where I teach you small and incredible mindset shifts which will allow the change in focus which will allow a change in behavior and with the change in behavior, comes change in state with direct methods, and you know what comes next, RESULTS
Thanks for reading – hit the like button and comment. It would also mean a lot if you share this to others, don’t keep this to yourself! A screen shot of your favorite section and shared on social media would be idea 🙂 I don’t ask for much. Thank you. Don’t forget to tag me
Rishi TYNS – Just be!